Saturday, January 31, 2009
uncle nae ankh mari anute behosh...... :)
80 teen dost tha phalla patan dosra panjabe or tisra memon.Ramzan ka
tha dostoo na bolaa ka yar zakat dana ha too app log kasa datta ho.too
phala dost patan na bolla ka hum khali maidan ma za kar gol paira
banatha ha or asman ma paisa ushal tha ha zoo paisa paira ka bhair
woo zakat kartta ha or zoo andar hotta ha woo humara hotta ha .fer
pajabe na bolla ka hum ak lakir kachtta ha or paisa ushal tha ha zoo
left hand par zatta ha woo zakat kartta ha or zoo right hand par woo
humara.fer memon dost sa pucha ka woo kasa kartta ha too usna kaha ka
astag feroollha app log assa zakat kartta ho yea lakir fakir keya ha
khali maidan ma zatta ha or asman ma husal tha ha zoo paisa asman ma
gheya woo zakat ka or zoo paisa necha aaya woo humara.
81 Admi Naai Se Meri TERE NAAM Wali Cutting Kar Do.
Naai Uski Tind Kar Deta Hai
Admi Ghussay Se Ye Kya Kiya Hai ???
Naai Main Kya Karoon Main Ne Dekhi Hi End Se Hai.
82 Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has Clock Tower
when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.
Sardarji says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the
thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji
figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again
walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the
clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This
time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
83 A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he
feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The
lawyer turns around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm
waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front
of me, do you?"
84 Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
85 Safed saari par jab tum laalbindi lagati ho
khuda ki kasam ambulance nazar aati ho
farq sirf itna hai ke wo ghayal ko le jati hai
or tum ghayal kar jati ho
86 janab patan: eak dookan per jata hai aor kata hai40 wala chawal hai.
dukan daar: je hai
janab patan:eak kulo dado
dukan daar: je janab
janab patan : 40 wala chawal kitna ka diya hai.
87 Aik haseen-o-jameel adaakara ke ghar aag lag gaee ..aag par qabu panay
main 10 minut lagay.....aor. ......aag bujhany walon per qabu panay
40 minut lagay
88 Aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par phool daal raha hota he
Aur brabar men bhi aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par chawal daal raha
Pehla Aadmi doosre se kehta he " Ye tumhara dost phool sunghne kab
Doosra dost:"Jab tumhara dost chawal khane uthe ga
89 uncle aik bachay se kehte hain : beta aik acha sa jhoot bolo agar
pasand agaya to main tumhien paanch rupay doon ga
bacha masoomiat se : yeh lo ! abhi to das rupay kahay thay .... !!!!
90 aik dost dosray se : yaar har party mien tum yehi kurta kyun pehantay
dosra dost : kyun ke yeh mera khandani kurta hai mere par dada ne
phir dada ne pehna phir mere walid ne pehna iss liye main bhi pehanta
pehla dost : ohh acha .. khier yeh batao k tumhari umar hogai hai
ki tum kartay kyun nahi ..kya koi larki pasand nahi ati
dosra dost : nahi yaar larkiyaan to bohat pasand ati hain
pehla dost : to phir kyun nahi kartay
dosra dost : yaar mere par dada ne nahi ki dada ne nahi ki mere walid
ne nahi ki to phir main kaise karloon ??
91 Banta Singh happened to be in a queue at a railway
station ticket counter with two men ahead of him.
'Ek Punjab Mail dena.' demanded the man in front.
He was given a ticket. 'Ek Punjab Mail dena.'
the second man asked & was handed a ticket.
Then came the turn of Banta Singh, 'Ek Punjab female dena!'
'What do u mean by Punjab female?' asked the clerk.
'It is for my wife' replied Banta Singh
92 The Equation:
7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage -
And that 1 Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems.
So beware of glance!
93 Plan For Future:
Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Ram: I want 2 b a pilot.
Vinod: I want 2 b a doctor.
Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother.
Ravi: I want 2 help Deepa.
Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1,Too Many Questions.
2,Difficult to Understand.
3,More Explanation is Needed.
4,Result is always FAIL!
95 A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom
96 Girlfriend : And are you sure you love me and no one else
Boyfriend : Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.
97 Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?
Pupil : The moon.
Teacher : Why?
Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives
us light only in the day time when we dont need it.
98 Teacher : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.
99 Waiter : Would you like your coffee black?
Customer : What other colours do you have?
100 My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
101 Teacher : Sam, you talk a lot.
Sam : It's a family tradition.
Teacher : What do you mean?
Sam : Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher.
Teacher : What about your mother?
Sam : She's a woman.
102 Tom : How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?
David: You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated.
103 Teacher : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student : Brotherly love.
104 Teacher : Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
105 Patient : What are the chances of my recovering doctor?
Doctor : One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have.
Yours is the tenth case I've treated.The others all died.
106 Teacher : " Hello boys, Remember !!! Nothing is impossible."
One of the 20 Students: "Ok Sir, You please take out all the toothpaste and put it back into the tube again.
107 Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE ?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday, sametime."
108 Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why ?
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office
109 A woman had 8 sons all named Kevin. On asking how she managed to call one in
She replied: That's easy. I call them by their surname !
110 koi apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha ki achanak bijli
chamki, badal garje, jor se baarish shuru hui dukhi aadmi bola:
Lagta hai pahunch gai :-)
111 Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and closes it.
Wife observes the whole episode
Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife askes Why are you doing this?
Sardar replies: Doc told to check sugar level regularly
112 What is the full form of singh: S-sardar I-insaan N-nahi G-gadha H-hai.
113 Angry sardar-Oye mein is duniya ko mita dunga - mita dunga- mita dunga.
Another sardar standing besides said mein tujhe rubber nahi dunga.
114 Santa singh: Can u spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Banta singh: Post office.
115 Sardar on cycle hit lady accidently, lady says," break nahi mar sakta tha kya?
Sardar replies "break ka kya hai, poori cycle to mar di....."
116 Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar idhar-udhar chalte the, woh kya soch rahe honge....think. ......... ...
"SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI"
117 Sardar:Aap kitna padhe ho?
Sardar: kamal karte ho yaar sirf do word padhe aur woh bhi ulte.
118 A friend asks sardar how was ur exam?
Sardar: It was ok but i couldnt answer past tense of THINK. I thought, thought & finally i wrote 'THUNK'.
119 Sardar: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunaideti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai?
Sardar: Phone karte waqt.
120 Sardar jhad pe bethkar gaa rahe the, achanak ek sardar jhad se ulta
latak ke gaane laga, dusre ne pucha ki ulta kyon latka he, Sardar bola oye side B gaa raha hun.
121 Sardarni asks her lover,"Santa dear, if we get engaged, will u give me a ring?"
"Sure" replies santa. "Whats ur phone no?"
122 Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife! these days
because somebody had told him that it is wrong to sleep with married women.
123 One day sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor of a
building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Santa singh
your daughter Preeto just died in an accident" ....... since Sardarji was in panic.
Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window while comming down when he was near the
tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Preeto.
when he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.
124 *** Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out.
His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied "Exam was
okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and
at last wrote - THUNK !!!"
125 a sardar was going on the road.Then he sees a man who has met with an
accident.so he picks him up puts him in his car and takes him to the
hospital.Then the sardar realises that the man should have brought by
ambulance.so he takes him back where he picked him
sardar was driving a car. Suddenly one tyre was puncher.he took spear tyre
and changed in the place of punchered tyre. but unfortunately he misplaced
the four screws to fit the tyre on its place . he was so confused ,,now
what to do,, a pagal(mentally retaired) person was watching this incident.
He came near to sardar and said," do one thing,, take each one screw from
the remaining three tyre and fit it in this new tyre.There after u can go
where ever u want to. Sardar was so happy and said aree yaar Duniya tume
pagal kahate hai lakin i dont think u are a pagal. pagal replied sir,, i m
a pagal but i m not a sardar.
126 Once a Sardar ji rescued 6 people from a house burning on fire;
But still the Sardar ji was jailed, why?
Because all the rescued persons were fire fighters
127 TEACHER: Why are you late?
L-JOHNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
L-JOHNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
128 TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!
129 TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
L-JOHNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
L-JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
130 TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
L-JOHNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!
131 TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America?
132 TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
133 TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?
L-JOHNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
134 L-JOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me To write?
L-JOHNY: Your name on this report card.
135 TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
L-JOHNY: Don't bite any.
136 TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
L-JOHNY: I is...
TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, "I am."
L-JOHNY: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
137 Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE? "
L-Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday
138 Question: There are 10 elephants swimming in a pond. A boy jumps inside and
swims underneath them and counts the number of legs.
There are only 36 legs.HOW??
Answer: One elephant was swimming BACKSTROKE!!
139 L-Johnny : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
L-Johnny : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
140 Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is
green and one is blue with red spots!
L-Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same
141 Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
L-Johnny : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
142 Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did u copy his?
L-Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
Every 10 sec a
woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
2 Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r
3 Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence
into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
4 Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was
not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary
After much thought he wrote: Yes!
5 Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant
it’s already raining. Sardar: So what? Take an
umbrella and go.
6 Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer
gave 11cr after
deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else
return my 20 Rs
7 Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have
8 Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died
peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the
passengers in the
car he was driving..
9 Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible
looking thing is
what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
10 Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
11 Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local
sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still
digging for more..
12 A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not
in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".
13 Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
14 Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles
and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.
15 Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
16 A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if
my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied Sweetly,
"I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
17 Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
18 A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
19 Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? "
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
20 Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".
21 What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.
22 Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest
waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara
23 Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
24 As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"
25 Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
26 What's the definition of lawyer?
The larval form of a politician
27 Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"
28 How do you recognize a Sardar in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
29 once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the
weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
30 Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours.
After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. "
When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?
(What Happened, My Son?)
31 The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, )
aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!
32 Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens .
because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at t he dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died
'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'
33 2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari
nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!" Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang raha
hai ki Reliance mai Job.
34 Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other
Continue to do so.
35 Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne
Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
36 .How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard &
comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo
ta ra ra.
37 A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess
what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.
38 Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an
hour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
39 Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character
thik ho jaaega.....Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kya
40 Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..? biwi: Oji Car ki
fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.
41 Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a
Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher
42 Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat.....
Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho....??
Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..??
Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!
43 Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
44 Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born
45 Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
46 Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.
47 1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions
48 Man before Marriage I like Airtel....”Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan”
After Marriage He's Like Hutch... " Where R U Go Our Network
49 Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,
Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey.
Santa : Oh, I Thought it was its Skin...!!!
gaya... aur main...SWARGWASI. ..
50 They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is
love; after marriage it is self-defense
51 It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as
women..and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?!
52 It takes thousand workers to build a castle , Million soldiers to
protect a country
BUT Just ONE woman to make a Happy HOME! Let's Thank ......KAAMWALI
53 After Finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna Starts his practice. He Chcked 1st
patient eyes, tongue & ears by Torch
& finally said BOLE TO.......... TORCH THEEEEK HAI
54 What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a
55 Ladka: Janeman is dil mein aaja.
Ladki: Sandal nikalu kya?
Ladka: Pagli mandir thodi hi hai, aise hi aaja!!
56 It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered
57 A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE..
A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!
58 Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat.
Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?
Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?
Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.
59 Do sardar jee motor cycle per bomb lay kar jarahay thay,
Rastay main speed breaker ki waja say jhatkay lag rahay thay,
Sardar jee ka dost bola yaar aaram say gari chalao kahi bomb na
Sardar jee...Oo tussi fiker hi naker assi kay pass dosra bhi tu bomb
60 aik sharabi raatkay waqat apnay dost kay sath jaraha hota hay. rastay
main talab per nazar parhti hay tu us main us ko chand dikhta hay woh
apny dost say
kahta hay yaar ye kia hay.dost kehta hay chand hay. sharabi hairan ho
yaar hum log itnay upper aagaiy
61 Santa Singh goes to a TV shop and asks, 'Aap ke paas color TV hai
'Haan' replies shopowner. Santa Singh says, 'Ek hara vala dena!'
62 A sardar calls another sardar on the phone & says "Hi, Main Bol Raha
The other sardar replies "Kamaal Hain,Ithe bhi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"
63 Ek pathan Cycle chalaty aur gungunaty howe kahin ja raha tha rasty
mein ek Aurat se takra betha.
Aurat chilla kar boli "Break nahi maar sakty thy kia ??? "
Pathan herat se... "Pora cycle mar deya abhi break mar kar kia faida."
64 Burhiya:Aray dekho iss kambakhat maare ko mere sath larki ja rahi he
osse nahi dekh raha kab se mujhe taare chala ja ria he...!
65 Aadmi:Aray.. ! amma darasal ye kabaria he purana maal dekh raha he.
66 Ustaad: Bete, aap jab hanste hen to aap ke dimples parte hen aap bohat
ache lagte hen dil chahta he aap ko piyar karloon.
67 Bacha: Sir, mujhse ziyada dimple to mere ammi ke parte hen.
Aik lerki apny boy friend k sath nai garri main long drive par
ja rahi thi
achanak larki kehnay lagi.....suno !
kia tum aik haath se garri chala saktay ho ?
kioon nahi.....larkay ne bare fakher se garden akraaii...
larki ne aahista se kaha........ ..
"to phir doosray haath se apni naak saaf kar lo "
69 Sardar : Apne bete se bola, Bevakuf...kaisa machis leke aaya hai, ek
bhi tili nahin jalti.
Beta : Kya baat karte ho papa, sab tili test karke laya hu.
70 Doctor : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai?
Sardaar : Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saalse mera khoon jo pee rahi hai....
71 Nurse - "Mubarak ho.. Sardarji.. aap papa ban gaye.."
Sardarji - " Meri wife ko nahi bolna.. main usey SURPRISE doonga..!"
72 Hum Ney Un Ki Yaad Main Ro Ro Kar Matkey Bhar Diye
Wo Bewafa Aye Aur Naha Kar Chal Diye
73 Neend mujhey raat bhar aati hai kam ,
Shayad macharon ko bi mil gaya hai sanam
74 Tujh bin zindagi ka tasawar hi nehi hai ,
Tere sang ho zindagi aisa bi koi scene nehi hai
Iss dunya mein, tum he sab sey haseen ho
mein aur kahon jhot kitna, ke tum ko yaqeen ho
75 rooz khawab mein nazar aatey ho tum
kio mujhey neend mein bi daratay ho tum
76 kal raat machar ne kata mere chehre par,
dil mien junoon tha...aankhoon mien khoon tha,
uthaya ussay masal dene k liye par khayal aya,
kambakht mien apna hi khoon thA
77 hi u all
i hv one puppy 4 u
1puppy 4 ur friend
1 puppy for ur fri ke fri
u know why???
ajj hi meray dogi nay 10 puppies ko janam dia hai
78 Civic VTI jisai kehete ho wo gadi tumaree hai
Jisey nokia 6600 kehte ho wo cell tumhara hai
Jinhai tum aamon k baghat kehte ho woh baghain tumharee hain
Kaho ik di kaho ik din
Ager sab kuch ye mera hai to sab kuch dedo ik din
Gari apni mujhe tum dedo cell dedo doosrey din
merey hathon mai kaghzat rakh ker dafa ho ik din
Dafa ho ik din dafa ho ik din...
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
The rapid growth of social networking that has been observed over the last two to three years is indicative of its entry into mainstream culture and its integration into the daily lives of many people. There has also been considerable media coverage of the growth of social networking, its potential positive outcomes and concerns about the way that some people are engaging with it.
“… technology has not only mediated communication in countless ways, but ... the very ways we communicate – and even the ways we talk and think about communication –are changing as a result.”
Social networking services are changing the ways in which people use and engage with the Internet and with each other. Young people, particularly, are quick to use the new technology in ways that increasingly blur the boundaries between online and offline activities
Social networking services are also developing rapidly as technology changes with new mobile dimensions and features. Children and young people who have grown up taking the Internet and mobile technologies for granted, make up a significant segment of the “beta generation” – the first to exploit the positive opportunities and benefits of new and emerging services, but also the first to have to negotiate appropriate behaviours within the new communities, and to have to identify and manage risk.
Social networking services are on the rise globally, and this change is also evident in increased UK engagement with sites. Ofcom’s recent International Communications Market 07 report3 found evidence that more adults use social networking sites in the UK than in any other of the European countries included in the survey. ComScore data from August 4, 2007 suggest that UK Internet users clock up an average of 23 visits and 5.3 hours on social networking sites each month. Ofcom reported that 39% of all UK Internet users use social networking services, while the ComScore figures show 24.9 million individual social networking service visitors in August 2007. According to recent Hitwise figures, the most popular dedicated social networking sites in the UK are MySpace, Facebook and Bebo5. These types of social networking services are profile focused – activity centres around web pages that contain information about the activities, interests and likes (and dislikes) of each member
Social networking sites offer people new and varied ways to communicate via the internet, whether through their PC or their mobile phone. They allow people to easily and simply create their own online page or profile and to construct and display an online network of contacts, often called ‘friends’. Users of these sites can communicate via their profile both with their ‘friends’ and with people outside their list of contacts. This can be on a one-to-one basis (much like an email), or in a more public way such as a comment posted for all to see.
Like other communications tools, social networking sites have certain rules, conventions and practices which users have to navigate to make themselves understood and avoid difficulties. These range from the etiquette of commenting on other peoples profiles to understanding who one does and doesn’t add as a ‘friend’. Social networking sites also have some potential pitfalls to negotiate, such as the unintended consequences of publicly posting sensitive personal information, confusion over privacy settings, and contact with people one doesn’t know.
Trend of Social Networking Sites:
Figure 1: Simplified timeline of select social networking sites (2000-2007)
2000 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007
Bebo,FaceBook (School Network)
FaceBook ( everyone)
“Social networking services” refers here to a wide-range of rapidly developing services tools and practices. Social networking services can be broadly defined as Internet- or mobile-device-based social spaces designed to facilitate communication, collaboration and content sharing across networks of contacts.
Social networking services allow users to manage, build and represent their social networks online. Service usually (but not always) includes other individuals; they might also include the profiles of events, companies, even political parties. They may let you add anyone in the network as your friend or contact, or they might ask both parties to agree all connections.
Social networking services typically support the public display of networks, although they may offer privacy restrictions or facilitate closed communities. Permissions are a very important feature of most social networking services. They allow members and groups to control who can access their profiles, information, connections and spaces, as well as determining degrees of access.
The level of granularity and control varies from service to service, but typically settings allow you to:
Ø Keep your information private (i.e. be seen by only those to whom you give permission) or restrict the visibility your information to:
· signed-in service members only
· people on your contacts list
· particular groups of service users
Ø make your information public so that even people who are not members or are not signed in as members of the service can see it. Through these combinations of privacy settings, users can manage a range of different relationships online, as well as manage their online presence – how they appear to friends, acquaintances or the general public.
Through these combinations of privacy settings, users can manage a range of different relationships online, as well as manage their online presence – how they appear to friends, acquaintances or the general public.
Social networking sites vary in the types of tools and functionality they provide (boyd & Ellison define social networking sites as having three common elements: a member profile (in their definition this is always a webpage), the ability to add other members to a contact list, and supported interaction between members of contact lists (interaction varies greatly, and there will typically be some degree of interaction facilitated between people who are not on each other’s contacts lists).Social networking sites are often perceived by their users as closed environments, where members talk to other members8. This impression of social networking services as providing a private space is likely to account for behaviour, language and postings that do not translate well outside their intended closed context. While it is important that children and young people understand the public nature of much of their activity within social networking services (and can use permissions and privacy controls to manage personal information and communications), we also need to ensure that online activity is understood holistically – i.e. as the sum of activity of all the online sites and networks that an individual belongs to.
This report is the first dedicated look at social networking that has undertaken. It seeks to understand how people are using social networking sites as well as their attitudes to this form of communication.
The objectives of this report are as follows:
• To set social networking sites in the wider media literacy, online and communications context;
• To profile the use of sites;
• To understand people’s use of sites; and
• To investigate concerns about privacy and safety;
• Connecting with existing networks, making and developing friendships/contacts;
• Viewing content and/or finding informations;
• Creating and customising profiles;
• Adding and sharing third party’s content;
• Authoring and uploading your own content;
• Posting messages – public and private;
• Collaborating with other people.
1.4 Rationale of the Study
The common purpose to develop this Social Networking System is to manage the interaction of people in easier way. In today’s world, people do not have enough time to visit friends, their relatives and people of their interest. Therefore, this developed system aims to increase the accessibility of people to their friend and relatives and helps in facilitating the meeting with their friends virtually. This whole procedure can take place staying at home without visiting the people personally. Further, the system also has facilities of direct conversation with friends and people around them. Thus this will help them to connect them around with their community via map.
The web-based “Social Networking with Google Map API tm” is proposed with the aim to overcome those difficulties by providing an interface to all interested who want to get involve in online facility.
1.5 Limitation of the study
Ø There was time and resource constraint to carry out the research. Therefore, the research may have suffered in its comprehensiveness.
Ø This project was carried on by taking several examples of other relevant Social Networking Sites available. Therefore, the findings may not be completely new to the users.
Ø This project may not have covered all the detailed features as provided by other Social Networking sites.
Information Technology: It is a contemporary term that describes the combination of computer technology with telecommunication technology.
Internet: A large network made up of a number of smaller networks.
Web: Web is an internet facility that links documents locally and remotely. The web document, or web page, contains text, graphics, animations and videos as well as hypertext links.
Database: A database is a collection of data, typically describing the activities of one or more related organizations. For example, an online health services system may contain information about entities such as department, doctor, patient tips, and problem.
DBMS: Database Management System is software designed to assist in maintaining and utilizing large collection of data.
SQL: Structured Query Language is the most popular languages used to create, modify and retrieve data form relational database management system.
MySQL: MySQL is an open source relational database management system. Information in a MySQL database is stored in the form of related tables.
Use case: use case is a methodology that describes a set of possible sequence of interactions between online health services and its users.
State diagram: It models dynamic behavior of object in a system.
PHP: PHP is a widely-used general-purpose scripting language that is especially suited for Web development and can be embedded into HTML. It is a server-side scripting language.
1.7 Types of Social Networking
This section attempts to order the current range of social networking services available, and outlines two main formats: sites that are primarily organised around users’ profiles, and those that are organised around collections of content. However, it is important to remember that services differ and may be characterised by more than one category.
Users may also tailor the intended use of platforms to suit their own interests. For instance, sites that are primarily profile focused may be used by individuals to showcase media collections or be used as a work space for particular topics or events. Educators setting up private groups to collaborate and use tools are a great example of how social networking services can be tailored for users’ own ends.
1. Profile-based Social Networking services
Profile-based services are primarily organised around members’ profile pages – pages that mainly consist of information about an individual member, including the person’s picture and details of interests, likes and dislikes. Bebo, Facebook and MySpace are all good examples of profile-based services. Users develop their spaces in various ways, and can often contribute to each other’s spaces, typically leaving
text, embedded content or links to external content through message walls, comment or evaluation tools.
Users often include third-party content (in the form of widgets) to enhance their profiles or as a way of
including information from other web services and social networking services
2. Content-based Social Networking services
In these services, the user’s profile remains an important way of organising connections, but plays a secondary role to the posting of content. Photo-sharing site Flickr is an example of this type of service, one in which groups and comments are based around pictures. Many people have empty Flickr accounts and signed up to the service to view their friends’ or family’s permission protected pictures.
Shelfari is one of the current crop of book-focused sites, with the member’s “bookshelf” being a focal point of each member’s profile.
3. Multi-Users Virtual Environment
Sites such as Second Life and World of Warcraft – online virtual environments – allow users to interact with each other’s avatars. (An avatar is a virtual representation of the site member.) Although the users have profile cards,their functional profiles are the characters they customize or build and control. Friends lists are usually private and not publicly shared or displayed.
4. Mobile Social Networking Services
Many social networking sites, for example MySpace and Twitter, offer mobile phone versions of their services, allowing members to interact with their friends via their phones. Increasingly, too, there are mobile-led and mobile-only communities, which include profiles and media-sharing just as with web-based social networking services. MYUBO, for example, allows users to share and view video over mobile networks
5. Micro Blogging/Presence Updates
Micro-blogging services such as Twitter and Jaiku allow you to publish short (140 characters, including spaces) messages publicly or within contact groups. These services are designed to work as mobile services, but are popularly used on the web as well. Many services offer status updates – short messages that can be updated to let people know what mood you are in or what you are doing. These can be checked within the site, read as text messages on phones, or exported to be read or displayed elsewhere. They engage users in constantly updated conversation and contact with their online networks.
The feasibility analysis of a project is one of the most important things to be considered for a project development. The feasibility analysis must be performed for analyzing different factors affecting the project. Here four types of feasibility study were carried out to determine whether the project “SOCIAL NETWORKING using GOOGLE MAP API” setup under the WAMP and Google Map API platform is feasible or not.
1.8.1 Technical Feasibility
1.8.2 Operational Feasibility
This project “Social Networking using Google Map API” is not intended to have a user-friendly interface, but for easing the end user tasks, we can use FOSS. All the aspect of this project are built considering the comfort of the end-user. Although the scripting pan is a tedious job to handle, it’s not the headache of end user as they are completely unaware of the scripting and only have to deal with GUI interface. Considering the configuration part, advanced users are responsible for creating an environment so that there will be little difficultly in bringing the system into operation in an actual work environment as long as the user’s requirement is met.
1.8.3 Economic Feasibility
Economic feasibility is carried out in terms of operating costs and benefits in this project
a. Cost of developing/purchasing required materials: Cost of computers on which to develop application + wages of project team.
b. Costs of a personal computers and accessory devices on which implement the system.
· People as social participants and active citizens.
· People developing voice and building trusts.
· People as content creators, managers and distributors.
· People as a collaborators and team players.
· People as explorer and learner.
· People becoming independence and realience.
· People developing key and real world skills.
It was a great experience working on the project because each and every member of our project thought that the project and self satisfaction of every team member has ruled out the cost of the project.
1.8.4 Schedule Feasibility
The given time period was sufficient for analysis of project requirement, domain registration,uploading the codes via core FTP pro to the server. In the given time period we were able to test the project under different browsers, implement security for all potential users and site administrators. Pre allocated schedule become sufficient to check all the output of the project. So this project is scheduled feasible.
2.1 System Overview
System analysis is the study of a business problem domain to recommend improvements and specify the business requirements and priorities for the solution. It is intended to provide with a more thorough understanding of the problems and needs that triggered the project.
During this phase, the system that exists in present is carefully studied and the various shortcoming of the current system is identified and analyzed. Taking these problems in account a new system is proposed that could solve the inconvenience and difficulties associated with the existing system. The problems are identified and different feasibility analysis are performed. Then based on these feasibility tests, the proposed system is designed with various tools used as structured analysis.
2.2 Existing System
In Nepal, Social Networking is gaining popularity because of its wide application. It has brought great impact on human life. As Social Networking sites are popular these days, but we people of Nepal still behind in the development of these Social Networking sites. The reasons behind this may be due to lack of Digital Divide, awareness , infrastructure, networking development and slow progress in IT sector. Few websites have provided Social Networking Services but could not provide to view location of friends situated around them.
2.1 Google Map API Introduction
Google Maps (for a time named Google Local) is a free web mapping service application and technology provided by Google that powers many map-based services including the Google Maps website, and embedded maps on third-party websites via the Google Maps API. It offers street maps, a route planner for bicycles, pedestrians (routes less than 6.2 miles) and cars, and an urban business locator for various countries around the world.
The flagship product of the open source movement Google Map API has gained a lot of recognition and popularity in recent years. The basic advantage of this software is its cost, reliability and flexibility.