Funny Dogs Joke #1:
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
A short time afterwards, a cute dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his long tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.
Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.
The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."
The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.
The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."
The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager.
By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded!
He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."
The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.
The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual."
The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."
Funny Dogs Joke #2:
There is a pit-bull, bull-dog, and a black lab all locked up in the local dog pound.
The pit-bull decides to speak freely and says, "You know, it wasn't my fault I bit that kid's head off. The kids have been throwing rocks at me for years and I just couldn't help but jump the fence one day and go after them. Now they are going to put me to sleep."
The bull-dog speaks up and says, "I'm in for a similar incident. My master just wasn't paying any attention to me since that stinking baby came along and one day while it was crawling around on the floor I bit its leg off. Now they are going to put me to sleep too."
Both the pit-bull and bull-dog look at the black lab and ask, "What are you in for?"
The lab replies, "Well the other day my master's lady was walking around the house naked all day long cleaning the house. When she went into the bathroom and bent over to clean the tub I just couldn't take it anymore. I came up behind her, put my front paws on her back and mounted her."
The pit-bull asks, "So when are you due to be put to sleep?"
And the lab replies, "Oh, I'm not in to be put to sleep, I'm just in to have my nails trimmed and groomed."
Funny Dogs Joke #3:
A guy wanted to take his Chihuahua into a restaurant with him, so he put on dark glasses and "tapped" his way into the establishment.
The waiter said "Hey! You can't bring a dog in here."
The man indignantly claimed "I'm blind! ... This is my Seeing Eye dog!"
"You're trying to tell me" said the waiter, "that this Chihuahua is a Seeing Eye dog?"
"What???!!” cried the man, "they gave me a Chihuahua?"
Funny Dogs Joke #4:
Man to dog trainer: "Every time a bell rings, my dog goes into the corner."
Dog trainer: "That's OK, he is a Boxer."
Funny Dogs Joke #5:
A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We've got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning."
Her husband replies, "Well, lots of clever dogs can do that."
The wife responded, "But we've never subscribed to any!"
Funny Dogs Joke #6:
Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one.
The vendor is too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil, and hands them over the counter.
Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to un-wrap their 'dogs'.
The mother superior begins to blush and, then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part... did you get...?"
Funny Dogs Joke #7:
As an elderly lady sat on her front porch reflecting on her long life, a Fairy Godmother suddenly appeared and offered to fulfill three wishes for her.
"Well," said the woman, "I guess I'd like to be rich."
POOF: The Fairy Godmother turned her rocking chair into solid gold.
"And I wouldn't mind being a young and beautiful princess."
POOF: The Fairy Godmother turned the old woman into an exquisite young princess, with a priceless crown of jewels.
"Your third wish?" asked the Fairy Godmother.
"Could you possibly turn my wonderful dog into a handsome prince?"
POOF: There, in front stood the most handsome young man anyone had ever seen. She stared at him in awe, completely smitten.
As he came toward her, her knees weakened. He bent down, brushing his lips across her ear as he whispered, "I bet you are sorry you had me neutered."
Funny Dogs Joke #8:
During break time at obedience school, two silly dogs were talking. One said to the other...
"The thing I hate about obedience school is you learn ALL this stuff you will never use in the real world."
Funny Dogs Joke #9:
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says "My dog is cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?"
The vet says, "Well, let's have a look at him."
So the vet picks the dog up while examining his eyes.
“Finally” he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Just because he is cross-eyed?"
"No, because he is really, really heavy."
Funny Dogs Joke #10:
A little girl asks her Mom, "Mom, may I take the little dog for a walk around the block?"
Mom says, "The dog is in heat, go ask daddy."
The little girl goes to her father,
"Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block? Mom said the dog is in heat and that I should ask you."
"Hm." He answers, “Takes a rag, soaks it with gasoline, and scrubs the dog's butt with it.”
"OK, you can go now but keep Susie on the leash."
Little girl goes and returns a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Dad asks, "Where is Susie?"
Little girl says, "Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block. But another dog is pushing her home."
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