MARRIAGE JOKES AND SMS

Sweet as a rose bud bright as a star cute as a kitten thats what u
are.bundles of joy sunshine and fun you are everything i luv all rolled
into

I have liked many but loved very few.
yet no-one has been as sweet as u.
I'd stand and wait in the worlds longest queue.
just for the pleasure of a moment with u.

A special smile a special face.a special someone i cant replace.
i luv u i always will.
u've filled a space no one can fill!

Girl ur clever girl ur smart.
girl ur like a work of art.
girl ur sexy girl ur fine.
d only thing u aint is mine!

He took me from a bar.
He took me in his car.
He took my top off.
He puts his lips on mine, but don't worry: I'm a bottle of wine!

Ques. What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
Ans. U can unscrew a light bulb.

Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence....(a life sentence!).

A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and
the wife takes.

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
A: They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time!

Men are like chocolate bars.... sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
A little kid asks his Dad, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" "No idea," replied the Father, "I'm still paying for it..." There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married - now he is going through Hell!!!

I've got a good friend who married a Doctor. One day he told her: "You
need to do something to spice up our love-making". Soon thereafter, he
came home and found her in bed with another man who is also an M.D.
"Why?" asked her husband. "You said I needed to do something to spice
up our love-making; I just wanted to get a Second Opinion", she replied...


Q: Why do brides wear white?
A: To blend in with everything else in the kitchen.

One day a man inserted an 'advert' in the local classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? Well, it's the same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving

Marriage - an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again. - Noel Coward

Behind every great man there is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson

The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - S. T. Coleridge

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Michel de Montaigne

Marriage changes passion ... suddenly you're in bed with a relative. - Unknown

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women. - Marion Smith

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - James Holt McGavran

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him - Oscar Wilde

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. - Joey Adams

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood

There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. - Clint Eastwood

The most dangerous food a man can eat is wedding cake - Unknown.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. - Marvin Kitman

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? - Groucho Marx

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Hemant Joshi

A man's wife has more power over him than the state has. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Henry Youngman

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. - Mae West

The trouble with some woman is that they get all excited about nothing, and then marry him - Cher

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. - Max Kauffmann

I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. - Marie Corelli

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. - Dorothy Parker

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. - Benjamin Franklin

Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted - Helen Rowland

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage. - Lord Byron

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. - Henry Youngman

Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. - G. K. Chesterton ?My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield

I like to wake up each morning feeling a new man. - Jean Harlow

Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important. - Lisa
Hoffman

To the bride and groom - may we all be invited to your golden wedding
celebrations...

To the NewlyWeds: May 'for better or worse' be far better than worse.

To the 2 secrets of a long lasting and happy marriage ...Here's to
good sense of humor and a short memory!

Grooms, once you marry, please remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always try to get the last two words in: "Yes dear"

You know, the trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to actually prove it.

May the best of your past be the worst of your future

Married life has many Ups and Downs...May most of yours be between the
sheets!

May the joys you share today, be the beginning of a lifetime
of great happiness and fulfilment

To our wives and lovers...may they never meet!

Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and
may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the
desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation
in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an
accumulation to the population.