Funny Girls Joke #1:
"My husband claims to be a great sexual athlete, just because he always comes first."
(Ellie Lane)
"The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping of females begins when the doctor says: 'It's a girl.'"
(Shirley Chisholm)
"A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after."
(Gloria Steinem)
"A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight times."
(Sanskrit proverb)
Funny Girls Joke #2:
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her...
"If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog and the frog said...
"Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes that what ever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"
The woman said...
"That would be okay,"
and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her...
"You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock too."
The woman replied...
"That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me."
So, KAZAM ... she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said...
"That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said...
"That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine."
So, KAZAM... she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered...
"I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: “Women are clever bitches. Don't mess with them.”
Funny Girls Joke #3:
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, jack asses, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically...
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
Funny Girls Joke #4:
o Why do men become smarter during sex?
(because they are plugged into a genius)
o Why don't women blink during foreplay?
(they don't have enough time)
o Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
(they don't stop to ask directions)
o Why did god put men on earth?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
o Why don't women have men's brains?
(because they don't have penises to put them in)
Funny Girls Joke #5:
o What do electric trains and breasts have in common?
(they're intended for children, but men usually play with them)
o Why do men snore when they lie on their backs?
(because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock)
o Why do men masturbate?
(it is sex with someone they love)
o Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.)
o Why did god make men before women?
(you need a rough draft before you make the perfect final copy)
o Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white?
(so he can tell if he's coming or going)
o How many men does it take to put a toilet seat down?
(it's never happened)
Funny Girls Joke #6:
Male language dictionary
o I am hungry : I am hungry
o I am sleepy : I am sleepy
o I am tired : I am tired
o Nice dress : Nice cleavage!
o I love you : Let's have sex now
o I am bored : Can we have sex now?
o May I have this dance? : I'd like to have sex with you
o Can I call you sometime? : I'd like to have sex with you
o Do you want to go to a movie? : I'd like to have sex with you
o Can I take you out to dinner? : I'd like to have sex with you
o I don't think those shoes go with that outfit : I'm gay
Funny Girls Joke #7:
A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers.
When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard...
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" the man replies.
"Can you get him for me?" she asks.
"I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't", breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message"...
she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.
"Tell him", she whispers, "There is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies toilet".
Funny Girls Joke #8:
How to speak about women and be politically correct:
o She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED CITIZEN.
o She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
o She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
o She has not BEEN AROUND - She is A PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
o She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
o She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
o She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
o She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
o She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
o She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
o She does not have PREMIER LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
Funny Girls Joke #9:
o What's easier to make: a snowman or a snowwoman?
A snowwoman is easier to make...
“cause with a snowman you have to hollow out the head and use all that extra snow to make its bollocks.”
o What's the difference between a Snowman and a Snowwoman?
“Snowballs.”
o What's the difference between a man and ET?
“ET phoned home.”
o What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
“Men always miss them.”
o Why do men have a hole in their penis?
“So oxygen can get to their brains.”
o Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
“When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.”
o What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
“The man.”
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